Nothing sells trust, confidence, and inspiration like a good collection of official campaign merchandise – most of these quality items were made proudly by your trusted hard workers in China and come with a money back guarantee for the simple fact that they don’t actually cost money to get! Please read more for details on how to get your greedy little hands on some of this spiffy stuff.
How to get your free official fake campaign merch?
First off, the bad news is that you can’t order any of this shit. You have to see me personally. The other bad news is that although this stuff is kinda “free” there’s a hidden cost. You will need to give me some of your power. This takes the form of being willing to endorse me on camera and post it publicly in order to keep any of these goods. The main piece of bad news is that you probably won’t be able to find me anyway, so good luck.