Official Fake Campaign Merch!

Nothing sells trust, confidence, and inspiration like a good collection of official campaign merchandise  – most of these quality items were made proudly by your trusted hard workers in China and come with a money back guarantee for the simple fact that they don’t actually cost money to get! Please read more for details on how to get your greedy little hands on some of this spiffy stuff.

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Nothing sez “presidential” like showing off a burley dad-bod with things that look quite official – after all, sex sells
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Nothing like a day at the beach with your favorite fake candidate, Fake Zappa – make a little kingdom of your own then watch your sand castle get destroyed, all in the same lovely afternoon!
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In addition to o-fish-all campaign merchandise is this reintroduction to the classic “Possum Billy” – stay tuned for more about this late great president and how the Billy Possum is going to once again compete with the Teddy Bear – comes with certificate of authenticity and certificate of authenticity to certify the certificate of authenticity
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This is not just a planter, it’s specifically designed for FAKE plants!

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Show your Fake Pride with one of these fabulous campaign hats! One size fits all (except rock and roll guitar players) select custom hats may even come with bonus cat hair
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Do you need a special place to dispose of all of your fake news? Here’s just the thing!
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Have you hugged a Trumpie today? You’ll like it. They are sexier and often more fluffy.
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This cone is so captivating, it can literally stop traffic! Funny how something so small can be so powerful
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Pot brownies just disappear too fast, and it’s time to make bigger batches – and bigger batter requires bigger measuring cups
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You can literally put anything in this tote, literally! It’s way bigger than it looks
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Is Peter Cottontail hopping down that bunny trail throughout the year? Baskets ain’t just for Easter, try one today, especially if you dig cute chicks

How to get your free official fake campaign merch?

First off, the bad news is that you can’t order any of this shit. You have to see me personally. The other bad news is that although this stuff is kinda “free” there’s a hidden cost. You will need to give me some of your power. This takes the form of being willing to endorse me on camera and post it publicly in order to keep any of these goods. The main piece of bad news is that you probably won’t be able to find me anyway, so good luck.