It’s 2021. Reality really sucks these days, so who needs that shit anyway? I mean, can you really believe the news? In recent months, we seem to be getting more out of entertainment when it comes to life itself, and the news becomes more and more a source of entertainment as well as comedy. I hope we have another Pizzagate this year. I hope we… What was I talking about? Oh yeah, how reality is so damn shitty. Therefore, I don’t want to tell you about my life. Who wants that shit as well? Nobody. I don’t even want to know about it.

It’s time for the story everyone wants to hear! Another fresh batch of urban legends that are ripe with history, mystery, and that other thing… Oh yeah, my beloved Fake. This is my world. My amazing and unbelievable Fake World. Could this have been the way things actually went? Maybe they should have. Maybe it’s just a better explanation of why I’m so fucked. A lot of crazy people have sensational lives. With that kind of crazy, there’s also a trend to create an equally-or-more-sensational version of my deplorable and absurd background.

So, this is the time. The time for the Fake Zappa story you always wanted to hear, and summarized so concise, you can read it in the time it would take you to smoke a pack of fags (that was geared for my British readers (all two of you (yeah you, and that kid from Australia, which kinda counts in my book (the expression “book”, not referring to this following piece)))).

It’s incredible. Literally. Check it out: